Another task:
2) What to do today.
Practice seperation from Ed by writing the answers to the following questions in your journal everyday for a week:
- What does Ed want me to do today?
-What do I need to do today to be in recovery?
You will learn to distinguish between Ed’s voice and your genuine voice will be the foundation for your recovery.
Activities present in the book by “Thom”- Jennis psychotherapist…
I want you all to try to do as many as possible to help your recovery.
1) Conversation with Ed.
For this exercise, you will need two chairs. Face the chairs towards each other with about three feet between them. Designate one chair as Ed’s and one chair as yours. When you are sitting in Eds chair, speak as though you are ed. In that chair be only Ed. In your chair, practice being you-seperate from the eating disorder. This is usually difficult at first. My clients often don’t know much about who they are beyond Ed. But I promise you with practice, your voice will become stronger.
Begin a conversation from each chair, and be sure to remember which chair you are in. For instance, if you are sitting in your chair and Ed is mentally interrupting you, switch chairs and speak the interruptions out loud. This may seem strange or even crazy at first, but the truth is we all talk to ourselves. We just need to get better at it.
Continue switching back and forth between chairs until you are positive that you have experienced yourself as seperate from Ed. Practice this role play at different times over the next week. Try he exercise when you feel really lost in your eating disorder or when you are having a good day. Mastery of this exercise will provide you with a clear awareness of where you stop and your eating disorder begins.
I know this seems crazy but please give it a shot.
Liv xxxxx
Ed wont leave you alone by locking the doors, Ed started lurking around my windows, I had my landlord install extra locks on all of my windows…. He decided to reach me by phone. I immediately got caller ID so I would not answer his calls.. He got an email account..then he changed his email address.
Ed does not give up easily, and it just may come to that. I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep Ed at bay. Because I am willing to go to any lengths to remain seperate from Ed, I am doing well in recovery.
Lying is only one of the differences between Eds value system and my own. Another thing that sets us apart is that Ed values thinness above all else. Ed thinks that my size and shape are more important than who I am on the inside. He says that my self-worth is determined on whether or not I can fit into a particular pair of jeans. If I look deep inside myself, I know that being thin is not more important than everything else. I do not judge others by what they look like, and I know that I should not judge myself by my appearance either. When I am living according to my value system I cherish who I am as a person, not as a number on the scale.
You need to distinguish between yourself and Ed.
Your eating disorder is a life-threatening illness. Do you have a support team? If your answer is yet, that is great! Keep reaching out. There is no such thing as too much support.
If you dont have the support you need yet, you probably feel the way I did when I first realised that I had an eating disorder. I really did not want to be a burden to those around me. I was also ashamed, embarrased and afraid. I did not want anyone to know I was not perfect. But none of us can do it alone.
“Ed has rules for everything.
After you are able to recognise Ed’s rules in your life, you must try to disagree with and disobey them. Even if it seems impossible for you to actually disagree with one of Ed’s rules, you must still try to disobey him. If you are unable to break his rules no matter what, you are taking a huge step towards seperating from Ed. Disobeying from Ed means you are moving in the right direction. Don’t expect it to be easy.”
(At this point now I would advise you all to write a list to recognise the rules your eating disorder has on you. I think it could be helpful if you maybe message us with some of these rules to add to this tagged so we can all recognise some rules Ed may have on us. If we recognise these rules we can work to fight against them. I would love to receive asks about this whole life without Ed blogging to see whether people are finding it helpful and so we can all work together-Liv xx)
As you practice seperating from Ed, you will begin to make room for your own opinion-creating an opinion-creating an oppertunity for you to disagree with Ed. The thought of disagreeing may seem very scary and unrealistic to you. These responses are natural and understandable considering the power Ed has had over your life. But as you continue to see yourself as seperate from Ed, you will slowly learn to distinguish between what he is telling you and what you really think. You will realise that Ed-not you- is the one that thinks you should binge and purge. You will find the part of yourself that wants to abandon those behaviours and be healthy. Ed wants you to binge and purge; you want to live.
Seperation from Ed
“The first step to breaking free from Ed (throughout the book she refers to her eating disorder as Ed, in an attempt to distinguish herself and Ed as two seperate people) was learning how to distinguish between the two of us. I had to determine which thoughts came from Ed and which ones belonged to me. Next I had to learn to disagree with and disobey Ed. This was not easy. This took time, lots of patience, and a willingness to keep trying over and over again. Practice seperating from him, and you will be taking your first steps towards divorce.
